WARNING! IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY ANGRY GUN-WAVING RANTS PLEASE DO NOT READ.
Please don’t get me wrong- because I hate shitting on books. I really do.
If you’ve read my other posts on Jennifer Lynn Barnes and how much I worship her Raised in Wolves trilogy, you’ll probably know that I am a total crazed fan when it comes to her and I’d pretty much read anything she’s written.
But with all due respect, she really bombed Nobody. (NO PUN INTENDED)
If this story was a car, it would probably get a ticket for moving too slow on the freeway and obstructing traffic. I honestly tried to enjoy it, because I love spy stories but even by 70% through the book, it still felt like I was trying to swim in concrete.
And it’s not only the punctuation or sentence structure that is insanely repetitive either- even the content lacks spice.
“Less than shadow. Less than air.”
If you look this up in the search bar on Kindle, it hits 27 matches.
27!! IN A 393 PAGE BOOK!
The story basically follows desperate Claire Ryans who wallows in self pity for half of the book, while other characters chant to the reader how invisible and ‘nobody’ they are. No, joke. Look, she’s even scheduled an allocated self-pity time!
“Two minutes of wallowing, once a year. That was all she got, the closest she could allow herself to the edge of the abyss without letting it devour her whole.”
After a few minutes of breathing exercises, I return back to the book in hope for some action. Fingers crossed and everything.
Oh lucky me- look what I’ve found!
“He’s looking at me. He’s going to kill me. I’m going to die.”
PAUSE. Ummm.. No sh*t Sherlock.
Even though I think it would be a healthier option for me, I’m going to try to not list all of the instances where I feel like I want to get a grip- on Claire’s neck.
The writing in this book feels like a personal insult to the readers’ intelligence. Not only is everything spelled out and repeated, but the characterization is so undeveloped (even for instalove) if you want a glance at the romance it’s a little like this:
Claire: Ooooh he’s so hot. His eyes- HIS EYES. I’m going to touch his face. *Touches face*
Nix: She’s so perfect. I’m going to kill anyone who touches her. I’m so so unworthy of her. OH CLAIRE. *Shivers and jumps away from touch*
Claire: Why is he not touching me back? I knew it! Everyone hates me! My life suc- Wait I’m not allowed to wallow, my two minutes of annual wallowing is over. *Cries*
Nix: I don’t deserve this. I am a sick, evil man who should be thrown into a pit of rabid vipers (Woo-hoo appropriate VA reference) for the great offense of making her cry.
*More wallowing* *More bodily-touching (that evolves into a 15 year old and a 17 year old doing THE DEED in the forest)*
If this is what it looks like when Jennifer Lynn Barnes writes in third person, I wish she didn’t even publish this. Reading Nobody makes me feel like I’m reading a children’s book with overdone onomatopoeia and whatnot, and my respect for her as dropped about a ton. As a reader, it makes me feel like she just sent in her draft it before it was even ready without bothering to edit.
How did she get from writing this kind of mentally stimulating stuff:
“There are bad people in the world: Murderers and psychopaths and telemarketers who won’t take no for an answer.”
(Raised by Wolves by Jennifer Lynn Barnes)
“He took one step toward her and then another. She sucked in a breath and watched him move. And then, without warning, the girl he’d held and helped and saved dove back under the covers.”
(Nobody by Jennifer Lynn Barnes)
Oh god. Please tell me WHAT SHE IS DOING UNDER THE BLANKETS, WHEN SOMEONE IS POINTING A GUN AT HER.
This is not the same writer who brought Bryn to life. Do not read this unless you are into masochism (for yourself). And the “action” that begins at around 70% is seriously not worth the $11.19 I paid Amazon.
Sorry Ms. Barnes.
The Permanent Monday