I’m sure everyone’s had to control some kind of anger management issues with characters where you just wanna strangle those thickheaded imbeciles, like, DON’T LOOK AT THAT LADY WITH SNAKES FOR HAIR! or EDMUND, DON’T EAT THOSE SCRUMPTIOUS BUT DEADLY LOOKING TURKISH DELIGHTS! or DON’T FOLLOW THE MARK OF ATHENA WITHOUT PERCY AND FACE THAT UNBELIEVABLE UGLY EIGHT-LEGGED ARACHNID ALONE!
Yeah, I think you get my point.
So here they are… the stinkiest, moldiest, five star turds in the history of reeking turdness:
(some are only turd-like for a part of the book/series, others are consistently turd-resembling through out)
*DISCLAIMER: ANY OFFENSE TOWARDS CHARACTERS/SERIES/AUTHORS OR RESEMBLANCE TO REAL PEOPLE ARE NOT INTENDED BY ANY MEANS.*
10. Caleb from the Divergent series by Veronica Roth
Caleb had some big potential to become a character that I actually liked, but in Insurgent his treacherous actions just blew my head off. I can’t even. I SO DID NOT SEE THAT COMING!
9. Tessa from The Infernal Devices series by Cassandra Clare
Okay, it might just be my Team Will loyalty talking here, but I can’t believe she’d give up on Will just like that! Sure, the stunt she pulled to trick Mortmain at the end of the first book was quite a twist, but she is just so weak, the only redeeming quality about her is that she is brave (?). She trusts people so easily to the extent that it’s just plain foolishness. Obviously Clare did an extremely good job in portraying her as a Victorian lady, and I think I just found my new distaste for things from that era.
8. Nora from the Hush, Hush saga
This girl is such a typical horror movie heroine. In the first book alone there were at least already 4 incidents were it had me screaming, DON’T GO IN THERE! But she does it anyways because she is such a typical romance book heroine. She gets a little better towards the end (I absolutely love her in the third and fourth books- in Finale she is such a badass;)) but in the first few books I was honestly only reading for Patch, Scott and Vee (I knew there was something off about her!).
7. Almost everyone from the Immortal Series by Alyson Noel (except for Miles, he’s a pretty cool kid)
I think there are a million other reasons why I cannot stand this book, but the most obvious is probably how emotionless Damen and Ever are. (What kind of name is Ever anyways?!?!) Everyone in this book (save for the humans) are full of teen angst, and I think the most interesting character is probably Riley and Drina. Even though one is dead and the other is the villain in the plot, ironically they show the most emotion and ability to think coherently for themselves. I think Damen and Ever would benefit from a thesaurus or a body language book or something, because i keep hoping that the characters will somehow magically become more interesting- but they never fail to disappoint.
6. Luce from the Fallen series by Lauren Kate
To be honest, Luce is quite dim. There are around five million+ hints along the way, but she JUST. CAN’T. GET IT. For god’s sake just take an ‘educated guess’ or something! Also, Luce has this incredibly infuriating tendency to get herself captured (which is pretty hard to do considering the frequency that she does this is so impossibly high) and has to wait for Daniel to rescue her. It’s a little like replaying Snow White 300 times per minute. And there are quite a few scenes where she just sits on the sidelines and watches while everyone else fights/dies for her. (I really can’t comprehend this unconditional devotion everyone has for her, I think it’s more like everyone loves Daniel and Luce is his girlfriend so they do it for him?)
5. Pagan from the Existence Trilogy by Abbi Glines
First of all, I think with a name like that, it’s got to generate some hate. Secondly, she’s pretty emotionally unstable and most of the time she’s overwhelmed with teen angst. But the top reason why I hate her is that in the third book, she’s supposed to prove her love for Dank (WHAT KIND OF NAME IS THIS!??!) so the Creator wipes away all her memories of Death (I’m just going to call him Death because I mentally cringe every time I type his name). For the rest for the book she is pretty much hiding from Death because he is oh SO scary, and she can’t even remember her ultimate “love” for him without help from Gee. AND THEN, she accidentally sends her “true love” (?) away because she can’t remember him. Gods. This girl really can’t do anything for herself.
4. Clary from The Mortal Instruments by Cassandra Clare
I’m probably going to get into heap loads of trouble for saying this, but I really want to strangle her half the time she’s in the series. She does have quite a few redeeming qualities- it’s just frustrates me that she can’t even stand up to Jace when he treats her like crap. He is absolutely rotten to her half the series, yet she is still falling head over heels for this guy. This is why I love girls like Katy (from Lux by Jennifer L. Armentrout)- she’s totally qualified to handle a Daemon.
3. Lissa from Vampire Academy by Richelle Mead
Why can’t she stop getting into trouble? WHY? WHY? WHY?! Not to mention, Rose has been doing everything for Lissa for her whole life, and when Rose finally leaves her to do something for herself for once (like, hunting certain Strigoi in Russia to find *you know who*) she’s throws a complete fit and yells about how Rose doesn’t treat her as a friend. Wait. What? SHE’S TRAINING TO BE YOUR FRICKIN GUARDIAN!!
2. Faythe from the Shifters series by Rachel Vincent
Faythe is on my Top 8 Kickass Heroines list but it doesn’t make up for her spoilt and selfish attitude in the first and second books. By the third book she’s gotten a little better but there are a handful of moments where I want to kick her out of the book. Like, I’m going to hit you in the face now, Faythe. It’s for your own good.
AND TOP IT OFF, I CROWN HER ROYAL TURDNESS:
1. Bella from The Twilight Saga (I seriously still cannot fathom why it’s even called a saga…) by Stephenie Meyers
I think it’s pretty self explanatory.
The Permanent Monday